Graduation and the obstacles in life

The title may sound like a strange dichotomy, but those who you who have lived a while will understand. Everyone else, bear with me!

My youngest child graduated high school this week, which in an of itself, is monumental. I have said it before and I will say it again, this is one of the few rites of passage we hold to as a society in North America, and it shows in how we all celebrate. It is a mark of entering the first stages of adulthood, sends a message to the individual that it is time to set their sites on the next big stage of life, and it is a mark of individual agency. For us, it marked the end of an era as parents. I laughingly mentioned to my ex-wife,

“When do we get our diploma?!”

Parents, coaches, teachers, pastors, mentors, among the many other adult witnesses to this achievement, all feel a sense of love and appreciation for the new graduate. We all played a part in their lives, even if for only one season in the journey. But at the end of the day, when the tassel is moved to the other side of the hat, it is the individual who crosses the finish line and holds the diploma. We all play a part, but the person needs to walk forward by their own volition. Our journey together in life, as individuals working and learning together, points back to that old verse in the book of Galatians:

“Bear one another’s burdens”

One of the things we do not celebrate enough at graduation is the appreciation for what it will take and what we have given young people to encounter the obstacles ahead. That can sound negative, and for me included, can conjure up some hard memories. But when you ask people at each of the chapters to come, years, decades, lifetimes ahead, they will share celebrations to come that all required a quest through a series of obstacles. We may see the award on the shelf, but we often forget to ask about the story behind the achievement.

I recently re-listened to a podcast (Hidden Brain) featuring psychologist Loran Nordgren, all about how we are motivated and work through the obstacles in our path. He used the analogy of a gun firing, 2 different parts at work at the same time, fuel and friction. Both are part of the process in anything we hope to accomplish. Both are part our setting our sites on a new objective. Both say something about how we work with others in any job or career we choose. Both can be felt the minute we look to setting our wheels in motion. So how do you view these 2 forces at work in your journey today?

FUEL

Do you see obstacles as an opportunity to try a new route to the destination? Do you encourage how others work towards the same goal you have as a team or family? Is the perceived obstacle actually a way for you to become better at what you do, have a stronger way of doing things, and maybe test how you hope to get where you are going?

FRICTION

Do you see obstacles as something you have to fight against? If someone opposes an idea, a way, a theory, whatever it might be that you are working on, do you see them as an enemy? Is an obstacle simply something blocking the path and you need to push it out of the way?

Obstacles are often associated with the people around us, or as we perceive, in our way. Fuel works far better than friction in all cases, but it takes time and energy to master. Choosing this way is a mark of resiliency.

As I welcome my daughter into the next chapter of her story, I hope she has seen more moments of FUEL than of FRICTION. I hope she learns resiliency through all of the hills and valleys she will experience ahead. And I hope she is surrounded by people who will continue to fuel her on the journey!

Maybe take a moment to map out where you are at in your own journey today. Are you experiencing more fuel or friction?