‘Tis the season for gift-giving

Does Christmas gift-giving stress you out? I know it does for many people, while others seem to gain a whole new energy supply when they gift shop…or make…or give.

Is it the occasion? The situation? The person or group? Maybe that all changes your view of gift giving. Does it change how you receive gifts? Does it matter to you from whom the gift came? Maybe you change your expression or your expectations based on who is giving you the gift? Just like there are numerous types of gift-givers, we all seem to receive the gift in a different way.

Yes, if this sounds familiar, I have shared thoughts on gift-giving before, and you can look at those posts here:

The Best Gifts

Gift exchanges and Gift givers

Each of you must give as you have made up your mind, not regretfully or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

2 Corinthians 9:7

That is definitely a problematic verse when applied to every gift-giving situation because the context is about encouraging the people to give financially to the church in Jerusalem. But not out of guilt or because pressure was placed on them; from the heart. Even so, this verse gets quoted a lot to describe the heart of a person giving gifts. For anything. Anytime. And only that last part about being ‘cheerful’ when you give it.

OK, maybe that heart condition part can apply elsewhere, come to think of it… I recall how often I have heard this verse quoted by parents expecting their children to sacrifice something for another. And normally that situation was without much conversation beforehand, often in a moment, accompanied by a lot of hurt feelings and uncomfortable public interaction between parent and child. No surprise then that giving gets a bad rap in this context for 2 reasons:

1. Notice the first half of the verse? Talk it over, think about it, without regret or compulsion.
2. Giving can then be associated without wilful sacrifice and not associated with joy. The giving can easily feel like taking.

Am I cheerful when I give?

Jeff Galak was a guest on a recent episode of the Hidden Brain podcast, sharing his research on giving, and the feelings that surround gift-giving scenarios. I realized much of what he had to share started as a trend years ago and has since become normal in North American culture. I remember friends laughing about the idea of gift registries, especially for couples getting married, and what it did with the intentions of the giver. Jeff’s research pinpoints this type of giving as preferred, but with a few other caveats that applied to most people who responded:

1. Who is it from?
2. How close are we?
3. How intentional is the gift based on knowledge of the person?

“If I’m just giving you exactly what you asked for on a list, is it really a gift from me?”

That was a common refrain back in the day. Among my own family members there was constant debate on whether the intentions outweighed the reception of the gift. If you got an ugly sweater for your birthday, should you tell the giver you didn’t like it? What if you got something for your home that completely clashes with your style, or is just plain terrible in your taste? The above 3 questions seem to fit pretty well with considering the gift to be given, but can also be applied to the grace we apply when receiving.

I learned early on, sometimes you just say ‘thanks’, and in that way you gift the person who is giving. But it also changes the way I give in learning the practice of receiving well. This is the part about considering what I will give, not out of regret or compulsion, but cheerfully. In that way the meaning moves from an abstract gift to people ‘out there’, to a meaningful action rooted in my joy.

So, gift giving this Christmas may still be a little stressful, but I hope you find some joy in considering how you will give. And who will receive!

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