Trust me…

What exactly do you mean by that?

I use the term ‘trust’ often. It shows up in the Bible more than a few times, so it makes its way into teaching and preaching; when it comes to team building or workshops on getting along, people will point to trust as a key item to work on; and of course, relationship discussions at all levels will eventually land on what we mean by trust. Whenever someone tells me to “just trust me”, I know I have to dig a little deeper. I am generally a trusting person, but as you may have noticed on the blog by now, I am also pretty inquisitive and tend to not let things stay at surface level understanding…or rely on assumptions.

The Advent season has a few major themes that people tend to focus on and I have not touched on them up to this point. This time around I am focused on offering things that seem to be popular but overlooked, if that makes sense. Topics that resonate with me but also centre on a lot of our general hopes for community. Those things tend to be prevalent in the Christmas season where all our perfect ideals for humanity are wished into everything we do.

So, what about trust?

We talk about it but we don’t always have a great definition for it. Just like many of the great things we desire in the best of humanity. But trust is needed for a relationship to work, we know when it is betrayed, we feel it when it is not present, and we cautiously wait for it when we enter a foreign environment. If you look through the literature on the matter, even in a short Google search, there are a few different key aspects to what we talk about when we say ‘trust’. I have encountered more than a few talks that amounted to blindly trusting or not giving a firm understanding of what it means to do so. “Just trust!”

In the church we use the word ‘trust’ A LOT! It makes sense, as I mentioned before, because it is one of the things asked of all followers in order to live a life of faith. But, the question of what it means to us remains.

This is why I find it helpful when I come across work that seems to sum things up nicely and can be applied to multiple scenarios equally. C. Shawn Burke and her team came up with a solid list based on their study of numerous leaders. But the list I come back to regularly has become quite popular in recent years, and for good reason, as it fits for leadership in all capacities, is succinct and easily understood, and can be applied to so many levels of community. This is the list created by Patrick Sweeney, based on his experience on the battlefield: (Patrick Sweeney research featured in ‘The 3 C’s of Trust’)

Competence

“Are you able to do what you say you will?” We judge a person by whether we think they have the actual ability or knowledge to do what is expected, or what is claimed. Consider any of your relationships right now and take a moment to assess what competency means in each one. Sometimes competency and mistrust speaks to a person’s claim followed by inconsistent follow through.

Character

“Will you do what you say you will?” A person of character is seen as a pillar in whatever setting we find them. How they represent what is embodied by the group and the essence of what we hold high is not forsaken. Whew, that sounds lofty! But the reality is all know these people and know they are easily identified in our circles. In leadership a person of high character is looked up to. In our relationships, character is represented in helping the other person aspire to something good in being together.

Caring

“Do you have my best interests in mind?” We know when we are cared for, and we are more than a ‘have to’ in someone’s life. I love the fact that this was one of the key findings in a war setting where it doesn’t seem like that would be one of the key items in a military group. The reality is that in the most stressful circumstances we truly want to know that someone has our back and seeks to be there for us. Care might make the most sense out of all 3 of these items because when we don’t feel care, we don’t allow the other to get too close.

Would you add anything to this list?

I have often thought of consistency as belonging here somewhere, and I do bring it up from time to time. Then I realise I have heard it included before, but not with the understanding of the other 3 items. Consistency fits but the more I read over and reflect on the 3 C’s it occurs to me that consistency is assumed because of the nature of those items. To care, to have character, to be competent, all lend to being consistent in the relationship. The same could be said for the word commitment, which is often valued in a trusting relationship. When those 3 things are in the mix, we have committed.

Trust and the season of Advent just make sense to me. When I consider times of turmoil or uncertainty, my trust is shaken. Those are the moments that trust is most needed, and I am required to revisit whether those C’s are missing or just need to be revisited. I hope this is a season building and renewing trust for you.