But…Why?

Why? Yeah, but why?? Why not???

I am a lifelong ‘why?’ asker. Just ask any of my siblings and people who had to oversee me in some way. I have gotten in trouble for the question more than once, but still asked. It is what made me an uncomfortable fit in some permanent roles, where people want things done not a system tinkered with. I have often rephrased the question depending on what I was picking at or trying to unpack. I have always been a collector of facts and stories about everything, so being a naturally curious person can have its advantages. Many people like to go through life unbothered, so the question can be a little tedious. Being in a spot where I questioned how many broken systems were being maintained only to remain in their same broken state of affairs made things, well, uncomfortable.

It is one thing to ask ‘why?’ as a curious child, but it is completely something else to be the leader who invites others to disrupt things with them.

I am finishing up another year of asking a church ‘why?’ to a lot of things. Sometimes this is more tiring for the person being asked than the asker (that’s not a real word), but sometimes the question has to be asked. I frame it in a variety of different ways, dig a little deeper in certain areas than others as needed, trying to get to the essence of the group. This becomes about identity for the most part and not a lot of people like someone coming along asking all kinds of questions about what makes them who they are. Direction, vision, hopes and dreams…those are all good things, and I ask questions about them at some point, but they come after the big question that leads to whole lot of other questions.

Why???

You may already be familiar with the ‘5 whys’ interrogative method of solving a problem. Some consultants use this method in broader circumstances like the ones I get invited into, normally asking the ‘5 whys’ of all things they do. The idea is that by the 5th ‘why’ you arrive at the true meaning behind what you do and can explain it to anyone. It is great for getting to the ‘root’ of a problem. But it also can make each conversation into a list of mechanical functions, not offering a lot of nuance to the humanness of a situation.

Why is where you start, but there are so many other factors involved in making us who we are.

Because transitional work is built on a short timeline we need to get to know each other much quicker than in a long-term arrangement. So I love the moment that people start to trust me, and ultimately themselves, enough to answer that question. It means we can dig around and look at the width and depth of the people living and breathing in this system, and they can start to unpack their story before venturing into anything new. Trust means vulnerability on both sides and a generosity that invites learning and growth. It allows a space for healing where we did not know there was brokenness, it makes a quiet place for every voice to be heard, and ultimately it creates a comfort in facing who we really are. I truly like people, and have a desire to help simplify what it means to gather as church, no matter what it looks like.

So at the end of the ‘why’ there is a heartfelt good-bye, which is not always easy.

This leads me to a reframing of the question “Why?” for you to ponder. The longer I live, the more I work with people in their varied settings, the more I realise ‘why’ always comes with a ‘who’. And the ‘who’ is deeply impacted by the setting. One of the best videos I have watched on the topic is from a TedX event a few years ago, by Dr. David Burkus. He talks about how some organisations moved from asking the ‘why’ question to asking ‘who?’ It is one thing to talk about why you do what you do, but it can lose steam quickly if you don’t ask:

“Who is served by the work that we do?”

I look forward to chatting with you more about asking good questions, and discovering new ways to work with the answers. In the meantime, you can watch the rest of David Burkus’ TedX talk here: